The Pull to be Extraordinary in an Ordinary World
Struggles of a 20 something to find the right path of life
Just a jumbled collection of my anxieties, and thoughts.
Over the last few months I’ve been struggling with what to do next in life since I graduated from uni in December. I hope some people will understand what I’m feeling. From chatting with my friends it seems like these are normal thoughts every 20-something has, so let's talk about it!
I graduated uni - What’s Next?!
As a recent graduate of uni, the topic of conversation has been what to do with my future. The past 6 months of small talk have consisted of endless chats about life. What job are you going to get? What is studying more going to get you? And after telling them my answers they go on and tell me what to do. I just don’t feel like I can satisfy anyone with my answers. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. And that's okay!
I’ve decided what to do for the next two years and that's to get my masters degree in chemistry. But beyond that I don’t know what my life will look like.
Pressures to be exceptional
I’ve been feeling this pull or need to be more than what I am. I need to do something amazing or extraordinary to prove myself in this world. I guess that comes with being 22 - an age that many people have been and so lots of advice is to be had. But not all advice is helpful.
All these life recommendations have put pressure on me. I feel a need to be extraordinary in every domain of life. And I feel like time is running out already. Unfortunately I can’t get outstanding grades while also holding a job and volunteering in the community. I’m young I shouldn’t have accomplished anything too amazing yet, I’ve got all my life to do that.
What had you accomplished at 22 years old?
Living my extraordinary life
With this pull to be exceptional I naturally feel a need to oppose it. I just want to be ordinary. Why can’t I have slow mornings, normal days and get home to relax. Why can’t I work on my hobbies and cook a lovely dinner. It sounds unreasonable but I can’t shake this feeling that I need to be amazing at all times. I shouldn’t settle for less than the best and the best involves working as hard as I can. I’m at my max of things I can do, but at the same time I can’t help question should I be doing more? Your 20s should be for grinding or at least that's what I've been taught by the media.
Is it better to level up my career as high as possible as fast as possible - while having sleepless nights, limited social interactions and a poor diet. Or is it best to level my whole life up slowly. Bit by bit at a natural pace while keeping my health, relationships and career balanced. And we mustn’t forget joy. What do I do for happiness? Maybe I’m looking outwards too much for advice and validation. It's possible I just need to be satisfied with myself and keep going. I wouldn’t say having a slow morning is settling.
Is it better to be extraordinary in one domain of life or live an ordinary life to an extraordinary level?
Extraordinary 20-somethings
When you think of an extraordinary person in their twenties what comes to mind? For me it's amazing actors, intelligent young geniuses and excellent entrepreneurs. But what many of these people have in common is only one part of their lives are accomplished and others may be lacking.
The amazing young actress with no academic skills as she had to skip years of formal education to get there. The bright young genius who may have a PhD at 21 years old but has no social skills due to having no peers of a similar age in their class. Or the super successful entrepreneur who grinded through their teens and twenties to build an amazing business. But now their health is suffering and they have to work twice as hard to fix it. It just doesn’t make sense to focus on one part of life and neglect the others. Surely there’s another way to succeed.
It could be better to live an ordinary life in an extraordinary way. What I mean by this is living your normal life to the max and living the best life you can. Being in the best health of your life and focusing on making a few relationships really strong. Doing what brings you joy and not worrying about what everyone else thinks of you. This way of living is not amazing, that's just living your normal life.
Living a Normal Life
Living a normal life can be hard especially with the impact of social media. Go on Instagram, Facebook or any other social media and you’ll see everyone’s amazing life. They have perfect bodies, expensive belongings and do something incredible every day. But we mustn’t forget that it's not real life. That's a curated version of someone’s life that’s created for the likes and attention. We shouldn’t compare ourselves to them. But we do, and that's a problem.
If I could ban that side of social media I would. The pressure to be perfect everyday is higher than ever before. I hope the world will change to have more achievable and reasonable expectations of us. For now we must ignore social media and focus on what’s important in the long run such as healthy habits, nurturing relationships and sustainable career growth.
I’ve noticed the world moving away from grinding all through your twenties and towards a more sustainable way of life. And I am so happy about that. These days I see media about slow living and people starting to oppose hustle culture. The person at the forefront of this revolution is one of my favourite authors: Cal Newport. He’s just come out with a book called Slow Productivity and I can’t wait to read it. I love the idea of slowing down and doing tasks to a higher quality. That's something that I’m going to look into and work on this year. Just living a normal life and not worrying about what people think.
No rewards for being normal
Living a normal life can be a mental struggle. We don’t reward ordinary people. There's no gold medal for consistency or discipline. There's no applause for getting up every day or exercising consistently. Where’s the incentive in spending decades working on a single project if there's no guaranteed outcome. There’s just the rewards you give yourself mentally. The stories that you tell yourself that you are on the right path. And those need to be powerful. Powerful enough to withstand the outside influence, the social media posts and societal norms. You need an inner feeling that you are doing the right thing even if there's no evidence (yet) that you are on the right path.
But for now if you need a positive outside influence I’m here for you. Well done for getting up today! Well done for working hard towards a better life and well done for being yourself.
My decision to do postgrad study
My decision to do post grad was a tough one as I didn’t have a strong inkling of what to do after graduating. There were so many different options: get into the workforce, travel the world, do further studies. And when I asked for advice there were so many differing opinions. Some thought doing postgrad study was amazing while others thought it was unnecessary and a waste of time.
All these opinions sent me spiraling. Because the smallest comment would be blown out of proportion in my mind. Suggestions of paths to take become expectations of my life. And then I put pressure on myself to get everything done. I just want to make the right choice and please everyone. But of course it's impossible to do that.
There’s no right life path
I think I was struggling with the fact that there’s no set path anymore. Through adolescence there’s a set path that everyone is on. You focus on learning everything about the world both inside and outside of the classroom.
But now in my 20s there’s no set path. I can make any choice I want, and fill my life with any activity I choose. You would think this ability is freeing. But for me it was debilitating. The pressure to do the right thing, the pressure to be extraordinary and the pressure that time is running out. These pressures caused me to be stuck for quite a while, not sure what to do next.
And now I’ve made this decision to do “unnecessary study". I feel like I need to prove to myself and others that it's a worthwhile decision. How can I show the world that I am succeeding? That I have made the right choices in life. The problem with this thinking is there is no right path for life. Just the choice that's right for you. And to find that you have to shut out all the outside noise and look within to discover the life path that fits you.
I can define success for myself
It's up to me to define what is ordinary and what is extraordinary. It's time to define what success means to me. I need to stop listening to others and stop focusing on what everyone else thinks. What I define as an amazing life is all that matters. There will always be people telling you what you can't do and advising you on how to live “the best life” but the truth is only you can define that. Only you can decide what your best life is.
So for now, I’m studying my master’s and loving it, I think I found my best life.
~ Jess xx
P.S.
I was trying to use Cal Newport's principles while writing this article. Usually when I write during the week I flip in and out of different ideas, writing 3 or 4 half articles and I never post them. I only wrote this article this week and focused on making it the best article I could write. How do you think I did using these principles?